~~~

Death offers an exquisite gift to the living. Consider the following as a New Year’s Resolution:

• If you had one year to live, what would you do?
• If you had a month to live, what would you do?
• If you had a week to live, what would you do?
• If you had a day to live, what would you do?
• If you had an hour to live, what would you do?
• If you had one breath, what would you do?

(c) Ruth King, 2012

1. Be your own best gift. Set an intention around how you want to conduct yourself over the holidays. Spend quiet time with yourself. Start with 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes just before you go to bed. Reflect on what you are grateful for, and what you feel good about.
2. Do not over do it – over commit, over spend, over eat, over stay, over drink, etc. Overdoing is dishonest, and it builds resentment and self-betrayal. Paying attention to your body will help you stay true to yourself. Take a walk, do yoga, take a run. Stay close to your body and breath.
3. Be here now! Let go of any fixed ideas, beliefs or expectations you may have of family and friends. Instead relate to every one as if you were meeting them for the very first time. Imagine interacting with them as if you had no memory! Get quiet. Notice the beat of your own heart. When you eat ~ only eat. When you walk ~ only walk. When you listen ~ only listen.
4. Be Honest. Do things you want to do and say things you mean to say. This requires a pause, self-reflection, and choice.
5. Reach out when you feel lonely and ask for help when you need it. Know you are more than your feelings. When you reach out, it may feel awkward but what you are feeling in those vulnerable moments is the heart opening and healing. Reaching out is what we each long to do and to receive. Let this be your holiday practice.
6. Remember, you don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to! Put space around your worries by taking a few deep breaths. Say to yourself: This is not personal or permanent. Become amused by what disturbs you!
7. When triggered, drop your story ~ become more curious than critical. Seek to understand a broader story, not the one you may be holding or convinced of. If you must speak, imagine arguing while holding hands. Share how you feel without making anyone wrong.
8. Keep it Human! See the full person, not just the part you dislike in the moment. Ask questions. Allow yourself to be touched by their humanness, not just disturbed by their behavior.
9. Treasure Everyone! Verbalize gratitude. Tell others what you treasure about them without expecting anything in return.
10. Give the gift of kindness! Give your time, attention, and expressions of thankfulness in place of purchasing gifts. Mind over money.

The good news is that we can avoid holiday stress by taking responsibility for how we feel and by moving closer to an experience of joy, which is the point of this magical time.

Purchase your Holiday Wisdom Bundle Today!

How would you characterize the quality of your experience during this boisterous time? Are you tense, breathless, righteous, judgmental, hateful? How are your eating, drinking, drugging, or numbing habits? How are you sleeping? Are you able to notice the relationship between your thoughts and the impact they have on your body, your relationships, and the level of intimacy you have with life? And while entrenched in fixation, what’s left out, unnoticed, or uncared for?

Our challenge is finding ways to do what’s important without causing harm to others or ourselves. This is easier said than done, but doable! For example, this week, my  neighbor put a Vote for Romney-Ryan sign on her front lawn. How dare she!  It felt so personal and “in my face.” Hell, it was just two weeks ago when we were chatting by the mailbox about how the Fall leaves’ were arriving early and I was petting her dog. Look at her now! Within a flash, I went from “a sign in the yard” to feeling “surrounded by the enemy.” It would take a few hours before I could shift from: “How could she be so wrong” to conceding: “Humans have the power to choose” —something I value highly.

This ability to shift and soften has developed over time through a practice of mindfulness and a commitment to non-harming. To mindfully commit to non-harming means that I affirm that, whether thought or acted upon, hate is harmful, and all beings, just like me, are worthy of kindness, regardless of their views.

Being mindful is more about awareness than perfection. When we sit with kind awareness and stop judging and hating, we can experience directly the energies that disturb us, and this is where real healing begins. When we pay kind attention to our disturbances, we soften our grip, feel a bit more spacious and trusting, and become more creative and wise in our actions. This quality of awareness helps us see more clearly and reacquaints us with what we deeply know and need. It also sustains the heat that keeps us heart-full, human, and connected.

It’s all about choice, really: Do I hate my Romney voting neighbor and become suspicious of her every move, even as she walks her miniature poodle, Samantha every day? Or do I affirm my commitment to non-harming, and respect her choice and my own. I laugh as I remind myself in this moment how unlikely it is that someone’s scorn of me would actually change my mind?

I’m imagining that when I see my neighbor again, I could become more curious, as her choice is perplexing. But the real deal is that her choice of yard signs does not and cannot define my contentment or comfort my distress. The happiness and comfort I needed from this disturbance could only come from the kind and wise attention I gave to my heart and mind.

We’re in a time where polarities are heightened, habits more rigid, past thoughts and future fears distort the present, and what we can’t control looms large. This is a time that requires heart not hate. Consider this: Kindness is not situational, a rationed gesture based on circumstances that go your way. Kindness is a way of life.

My challenge is to do what must be done without causing harm during this election time ~ to KEEP HATE OUT OF THE VOTE! This is my commitment and my choice. What’s yours? I invite your comments.

Interested in raising your awareness, see retreat on Mindful of Race. 

We’re in a time where polarities are heightened, habits more rigid, past thoughts and future fears distort the present, and what we can’t control looms large. Collective movement is occurring and everyone is affected. We can feel it and we all have reactions to it–knowingly or unknowingly. Basically, we’re afraid. Our desire for something other than this moment narrows our view of what’s possible, robs us of living fully right here and now, and closes our hearts blocking intimacy.

But what would it be like to follow our hearts in these electoral times without doing harm? How do we stay present to what is without fear? How do we relax and open awareness to the present moment without hate, ignorance or greed? How do we ensure that our efforts are planting wholesome seeds for future generations? Following are seven ways to begin minding your thoughts in the coming weeks of electoral madness: 

1. Maintain a daily meditation practice. The best way to respond to a difficult situation is before the difficulty arises. Spend time becoming friendly toward your fears.
2. Don’t believe your thoughts. Not only are they fleeting, they are only a part of what is occurring. Instead, become more curious about what is happening instead of critical. 
3. Open your awareness to include both the “ouch” and “beauty” in each moment. Don’t let what you don’t like or what you prefer distroy the intimacy possible in this moment.  
4. Express your ideas, talents, and dislikes in ways that do not harm you, others, or the environment. 
5. Cultivate a stable and balanced mind; an awareness that is grounded and undisturbed. This requires a practice of kindness toward yourself and others.
6. Stay in your body and close to your breath. Take a few breaths before you speak and choose to act instead of react.  
7. Let your mind keep tally (that’s what it does ~ it has no shame) but let your heart make the decision. 

Through mindfulness, we are training the mind to live in the heart body with ease and friendliness. You may not find the answers to the complex electoral problems we face, but you can cultivate the confidence and the heart to see clearly and to choose wisely. 

Enjoy the moment! Ruth

Each day, during your meditation practice, or throughout the day as you become aware of awareness, consider these questions ~ one or more each day:

~ What can I place my faith in that endures?

~ What obstacles in my life require my faith?

~ What is my energy enlivening?

~ Is my energy reinforcing good intentions?

~ What is dominating my focus?

~ Is my attention calm and stable?

~ What am I aware of?

~ How am I relating to what I am aware of?

~ Are my thoughts absent of greed, ill-will, or delusion?

~ What is my experience teaching me in this moment?

~ Is my awareness spacious and relaxed?

When you can remember to do so, take in a few deep breaths. When you feel calm, consider one or two of these questions over the next 10 days.

Let me know how it goes! Enjoy ~ Ruth

What do I mean by character? Character is the livelihood of intention—blooms from the seeds of our intent. Character is expression—something we manifest and can see, feel, and shape to our likeness. Character is action—it keeps the heart and eyes open and the mouths and feet moving. Character is relational—it cannot be known until it is shared or engaged. It requires feedback.

Wholesome character is qualitative. It has to do with integrity—showing up, keeping our word, telling the truth, and sharing our wisdom in ways that benefit all beings. Kept to oneself, character is merely a thought, concept, ideal, or secret.

Core to character is belonging. We belong to each other and this planet, and are dependent on each other’s goodness. When we don’t recognize, honor, or utilize the wholesome character of others and the gifts that surround and support us, we are disconnected from the fuel of aliveness and its relational sustenance.

When we are disconnected, we are unaware or surprised by our affect on others. For example, when we receive feedback that does not match our intentions, our first reaction may be to reject what we are hearing and rebel. Our second reaction however could be to consider the validity of the feedback or at a minimum its impact. And there are times when despite our best efforts and reflections, people will simply attack or rejection our character. In these trying circumstances, don’t try to figure out why this is happening. It’s important to stand firm with a fierce heart and keep the hate and ill-will out of the interactions. This is not easy, just necessary.

While change is constant, it does not guarantee evolution of character. To evolve character requires mindfulness. Mindfulness invites us to warmly notice our true nature and intentions, and character is the expression of this truth. When we are mindful, the content of our character evolves becoming more authentic, discerning, sensitive, and skillful life expressions. We more readily notice when the impact of our actions don’t match our heart’s intention and we realign. This realigning evolves character.

Character does not have to be grandiose. It can be a daily practice of kindness, or an hourly practice of forgiveness, or moment-to-moment gratitude for the courage to be a genuine human in a universal heart.

You might also imagine being George Zimmerman, 28, armed, on the hunt, focused in on a target. A choice is made. Imagine the rush and fear of that moment just before the trigger is pulled. Have you ever felt anything similar—Perhaps as a parent, leader, boss or partner, where you had the upper hand, the authority, or the law on your side? How did it feel? How was your power expressed? How are you living what your choices today?

Whether victim or perpetrator, Trayvon and George belong and we’re all affected, perhaps unknowingly, by such widespread tragedies. My father was murdered by his girlfriend in a jealous rage. He was 50, at the prime of his life. I was 17 and it took decades before I could acknowledge the impact of this devastation and recognize the many ways it had shaped my life and those that dared to love me. Despite many such blows, my yearning to love was greater than my fear.

I belief we exist in a unique cell suit within an infinite, skinless body held together by the loving gravity of Mother Earth. We are in a homeopathic relationship where each cell self represents the whole of existence. We are in proprioceptive relationship—one vast nervous system requiring caring attention for universal clarity and stability. Collectively we are sacred geometry, a holographic constellation—an exquisite miracle constantly evolving in meaning. As a cell self, we have inherent wisdom that serves the whole of existence. What we do matters. The more we wake up to our belonging, the more potent our existence and the less likely we are to do harm.

In Buddhist traditions, belonging is beautifully expressed in the aspiration of the Bodhisattva: May all life be of benefit to all beings. More pointedly: May my life and practice relieve the suffering in the world. This aspiration, which I aspire, has recently led me to explore such questions as:

1. How do I work with my thoughts and beliefs in ways that nurture the dignity of all life?

2. How do I ensure justice without fostering harm and hate?

3. How do I comfort my raging hearts in a sea of ignorance and violence?

4. How can my actions reflect the world I want to live in and leave to future generations?

As I slow down and soften my hard impulses, I feel more open and pliable. There is more inner space to be, and I can consider more wholesome options like: What could I do that would…

• be respectful and minimize pain and suffering?
• acknowledge my contribution to the suffering in this situation?
• enhance humanness, intimacy, and connection with this person or this situation?
• plant wholesome generational seeds?
• reflect my aspiration for wellbeing for all?

I fall short often. I get caught in waves of righteous indignation and collapse into fears that trigger a false front. Yet I feel hopeful. Through mindfulness and compassion practices, I can acknowledge the pain I am experiencing as a human experience. I can tolerate what is happening with more kindness; let go, forgive, and take refuge in my own skin. Increasingly, I can recognize myself in most situations and even find myself laughable. This growing inner-shift doesn’t eliminate suffering but it helps me greet suffering with a deep respect for life.

Whitney Houston loved us through the generosity of her artistry ~ her voice. She could have been stingy or stayed in hiding, but she took the risk, allowed us in, and boldly shared what was uniquely her’s trusting that it belonged to all of us.

It wasn’t the romanticized lyrics of her songs that got my attention although I enjoyed them. Those spoke more to our relative or conceptual notions of love. Rather, I was deeply touched by her luminosity, the piercing vibrations that created an instantaneous awakening and expanse of heart. She forced us to have a direct experience with the essence of love. Through her thunderous sounds, she made us stop, listen, and slowly shake our heads in amazement and gratitude. Imagine what it takes to belong to the world in this way.

Whitney’s voice is alchemy. You’re missing the point if you pity her. Death offers a message to the living, and her life invites us to ask: What is my artistry? Do I trust it? Am I willing to offer it generously? In the end of this earth body, would I have touched someone’s heart? 

Here a talk on The Buddha, Love & Whitney

When Ruth King awoke from open-heart surgery in 1976, she had no idea she was embarking on a profound spiritual journey that would open her to the power of unconditional love and healing.

During her lengthy recovery, King, a high-powered professional who had worked with Fortune 500 companies, reflected on her chaotic and abusive childhood in south central Los Angeles.

A teenage mom from a working poor family, King set her sights on making a better life for herself. She eventually received a master’s degree in clinical psychology and was at the pinnacle of her career. But her surgery forced her to recognize that while she had physically walked away from the traumas of her childhood, she still carried them in the form of rage.

“I was awakened not only to how I had been harmed, but how I had harmed many people, including myself, and especially those I loved,” said King, 63, who lives in the McAlpine Forest neighborhood of south Charlotte with her life partner, Dr. Barbara Riley, and cat, Mr. Socks.

Today, King is considered a leading authority on emotional wisdom and travels the U.S. as a speaker, coach and consultant. She weaves psychology, mindfulness principles, neurobiology and genealogy to enhance self-awareness and social skills. The goal is to foster a wholesome mind, intellectual confidence, moral consciousness, humility and ambition that leaves a good legacy.

King, who moved to Charlotte 2 1/2years ago from Berkeley, Calif., has been practicing Buddhism since 1992. She currently is completing a 2 1/2 -year Dedicated Practitioner Program designed for practitioners of Insight Meditation, a method that offers guidance on how to see into the nature of the mind for the benefit of all beings.

In Charlotte, King provides a life-coaching practice and teaches mindfulness meditation at Insight Meditation Charlotte.

King is also the author of “The Emotional Wisdom Cards,” a 50-card reflection deck for individuals, groups and families to build intimacy and compassion; and the 2007 book “Healing Rage – Women Making Inner Peace Possible,” in which she reveals her love of humanity with insights about the trajectory of rage as a healing force. A sampling of her wisdom became an O, The Oprah Magazine nugget in the July 2007 issue, and Alice Walker, Pulitzer Prize-winning author of “The Color Purple,” called it “a classic self-help book filled with passion, earthiness and wisdom. … Ruth King’s desire for our wellness and freedom radiates throughout. This is a book that can change your life.”

For more than 16 years, King has led Generational Healing and Celebration of Rage retreats that empower participants to heal emotional distress; understand the relationship between mind, heart, brain and body; honor ancestors; and create wholesome intentions and legacies. The common thread through her work is the importance of emotional wisdom.

“Emotional wisdom is the mental development of heart and mind,” said King. “It’s a quality of awareness, a presence that allows us to reflect on our lives lovingly and leverage this knowledge to connect in ways that touch, shape and heal the global human heart.”

Lisa Moore is a freelance writer for South Charlotte News. Have a story idea for Lisa? Email her at LisaMooreNC@gmail.com.

Read more: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2011/08/19/2539096/wisdom-expert-overcomes-difficult.html#ixzz1Vx7xxBTA