Emotional Wisdom in Groups & Organizations
Much of our lives take place in groups-our families, work, friends-yet many of us feel frustrated and inept in group life. We may be curious as to why we are unhappy or why we blame others for our unhappiness, but the truth is simple: When we join together in a group, early family dynamics are automatically and often unconsciously at play. Another way to say this is that the workplace and other intimate group settings are surrogate families.
This is not always problematic but it often is. For instance, how you learned to get your needs met before the age of 12 is often alive in your adult interactions. How you left home when you were younger is often reflected in how you leave other significant relationships. How you manage yourself during family conflicts when you go home for the holidays, for example, is often similar to how you manage conflict or influence groups. And to the degree you feel satisfied and influential in your family is often mirrored in your personal and professional relationships.
We are creatures of habit in groups, yet we are often unaware of how our past has become our way of viewing and being in the present. Even when we are aware, we find ourselves stuck in our habits and perplexed by our inability to transform them.
Conscious or not, we seek to finish what is unresolved from our past within group settings, and given this innate quest, it is inevitable that we will step on each others’ toes in annoyance and brilliance-it’s the nature and the gift of group life, and it is this very discomfort that teaches us how to belong. In his book Community: The Structure of Belonging, Peter Block says it this way: “The small group is the unit of transformation and the container for the experiences of belonging.” So it is indeed the workplace and other group settings that we create or are a part of that becomes the natural habitat for us to transform our habitual lives and develop emotional wisdom.
My work on Emotional Wisdom enhances our ability to be satisfied and creative in the workplace and is derived from over 20 years of learning from the fields of depth psychology, mindfulness-based principles and practices, organizational development, leadership coaching, and global cultures. I work extensively with organizations and groups who influence the lives of others. While my content addresses the commonality at the heart of these groups, I am meticulous about customizing to respond to the specific needs of your groups.
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Re-inventing My Work Life by Dr. Delorese Ambrose, author, keynote speaker and seminar leader, Atlanta, GA
I engaged Ruth’s services at a critical time personally and professionally. I wanted to transition from running a successful, demanding business (Ambrose Consulting) to returning to a solo practice. This would allow me to pursue my life long passion of writing, teaching and healing. I didn’t quite have the courage to part ways with employees who were excellent and committed to continuing the work we had begun in racism. So I was stuck between two worlds: the seductive, profitable world I had created through my firm, but which no longer served my deepest yearnings, and the world that I knew would nourish my soul and free me to work in more fulfilling ways. As I described my dilemma to a friend, she exclaimed, “I know just the person you need to help you move through this. Her name is Ruth King and she’s an excellent leadership coach.”
She was absolutely right. To work with Ruth has been truly a gift. I was immediately struck by the joy Ruth radiates as she talks about her work. I was also impressed by the amount of preparation time that she put into getting us ready for the session. And prepared she is – having been mentored by some of the best minds in the organizational development field, such as Peter Block, Joyce & John Weir, and William Bridges, and having devoted over 20 years to training and consulting with America’s top international companies.
In an expert caring, non-judgmental way, Ruth created a safe place – a sacred space – in which I was able to take risks, reflect honestly on myself and grow in the moment. She is also masterful at using the “Socratic” method of questioning to allow others to discover learnings for themselves. Ruth helped me discover that I must be willing to let go of what I’ve been in order to become more fully myself. In a two-day session, I moved from being immobilized by guilt and fear to being more open to honoring the need that my spirit longs to serve. Thank you Ruth!
Intisar Shareef, Ed.D., Department Chair, Early Childhood Education, Contra Costa College
Ruth King has the unique ability to create safe environments that allow adults to explore their inner most feelings of rage, loss and abandonment. Having led us on such a journey, Ms. King also courageously helped us find “refuge” in our day to day lives. Truly we were encouraged to strengthen ourselves and find hopefulness in our realities.
Benefits:
- Build mindfulness, collaboration and trust
- Increased risk taking and productivity
- Support the release of stress, frustration, and anxiety
- Create workplace vitality and exciting
- Confidence for teams under pressure
- Build healthy closeness among team members
- Develop team respect
- Build professional accountability
- Have fun and deeply connect with each other
Genuine Engagement: A Personal Journey by Maeve Richard, Former, Director of Finance, Levi Strauss & Company, and Assistant Treasurer, Sun Microsystems, Inc., San Francisco, CA
I’m sitting in my office staring out the window into a bleak Spring morning. Although a marvelous way to pass the time, this pause is not providing me with any clues about what is wrong in my group. As Director of Finance and manager of 10, the last several months have been intense with work pressures and I grieved the recent loss of my mother. Trying to keep things “professional” which basically means keeping my personal life separate, I suspect I erected a wall of professional indifference. Individuals in my group are distant and reluctant to speak to me directly about problems that face our group. A critical decision uncovered a ground swell of distress, conflict and fear. Caught off guard, I find myself distrusting the group and wondering what else I don’t know. I recognized that something profound is occurring and that I don’t have the energy to be objective in my assessment or intervention.
Having worked with consultants in the past, I had many choices. Yet this time, I knew I didn’t just want our group to open up and talk to each other more. I wanted to understand how this happened so that it did not repeat itself. I knew I needed a consultant who would be both compassionate and direct. My past experiences with Ruth King made her the obvious choice. I had witnessed her several times clarifying and defusing group issues that were troubling and perplexing. She was consistently objective, warm and insightful.
Ruth and I met. She was initially a sounding board, helping me widen my view and explore my own feelings about the situation, which enabled me to be in a more confident place to confront the issues directly. Secondly, Ruth designed a half-day session that dealt with the immediate distress within our group interactions. Profoundly, I learned that the group issues were definitely related to the avoidance of conflict, but more importantly, were associated with the avoidance of grief that we all experienced as a result of my family loss. Because we had a “professional” environment, it was difficult for feelings of “personal” grief to be surfaced and dealt with. Instead of the group avoiding me, they were in some ways protecting themselves and me from grieving in the workplace.
Thirdly, Ruth designed and conducted a series of team building sessions including facilitating the transitions of my leaving the company and the new manager entering the department. With Ruth’s professional warmth and illuminating guidance, we explored deeply and peeled many layers of the onion. Her gift to each of us was a new series of memories that reinforced the beauty and promise of genuine, authentic engagement.
Marsha Pendergrass, MPA, Principal, Pendergrass Smith Consulting, CA
Ruth King’s rage workshop customized for Case Managers working with the San Francisco Sheriff’s Department’s No Violence Alliance (NoVA) project was fantastic! Understanding how rage may be disguised in their clients as well as within themselves was pivotal in improving client relationships. Ruth is a sensitive trainer and was able to work with case managers in a way that provided them with a practical approach to dealing with rage and included exercises that made the concepts come alive. Ruth’s companion book and CD’s were a bonus for the group and provided the opportunity for deeper understanding and reinforcement of the learning well past the workshop. We are so impressed with the benefit from the workshop that we plan to schedule one yearly.
Jamie Lee Evans, MSW, Project Director, Y.O.U.T.H Training Project, CA
The Youth still refer to your workshop…I’m forever grateful for your wisdom and skill.
