I have a story to tell about my first encounter with His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
It was in 1993. I traveled to South India with a small group of women to study the stories of Indian textiles, temple architecture, and classical dance. On the connecting flight from the US, we had a delay and were put up in what seemed to be a condemned or abandoned hotel near Cochin International Airport in India. Our group was to meet in the lobby the next morning at 4:30 to be transported to the airport.
At 4:30 that morning, another woman in our group and I were the only two that showed up on time. I was sitting in my silent judgment about that when I heard a fast paced rumble then saw a sea of saffron and gold swarm the lobby. And in the center of these figures was His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. Even in the swift movement, His Holiness laid eyes on me. His presence was a flash of light that pierced my hearts so deeply that it left me and my friend on our knees and in silent tears. There really weren't any words to describe the moment.
While the eye contact only lasted a moment, maybe two, it felt like a lifetime.
For the next several days I felt wobbly, a bit dazed, and spongy. My senses were heightened. I felt tender, exposed, and porous, as if turned inside out. It was as if the solidity of knowing internally was crumbling and dissolving, and I was no longer able or willing to hold any form. All this and I oddly felt connected to everything. I was experiencing a new kind of intimacy with life and as I moved through southern India, it felt quite glorious.
A few years later, after becoming a Buddhist practitioner and teacher, I would learn that what I had experienced with His Holiness was what is referred to as a “glance of mercy.” It’s when you are seen as worthy with such love and compassion that you undeniably believe it.
This made sense to me – this glance of mercy – this potent pause and piercing acceptance of love. He didn't have to know me or trust me before offering me a few seconds of his kind and wise heart, and it transformed my relationship to humanity in an instant.
Receiving His Holiness’ profound goodness and knowing how he moves through the world left me knowing that I belonged here just as I am. This knowing is an inner savoring that I can still taste and touch 30 years later!
I’m not His Holiness by a long shot, but since this time, I have been more care-ful in how I touch people. It’s not about how much time I give a person. Rather, it’s about how much care is loaded into a few seconds of attention. Imagine a world where we generously and without hesitation practiced offering everyone we encountered momentary glances of mercy. Try it and notice the impact you have on others and yourself. I believe this practice is in the territory of wordless healing.
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Dear Ruth, thank you so much for sharing this life-changing body-to-body, soul-to-soul transmission. I’ve experienced transmissions with all kinds of people- including a man in a Starbucks in Oakland who admitted to me he struggled with schizophrenia. The grace that passed between us was meaningful and unforgettable.
I recall that moment clearly, I believe it was Halloween, too! LOL I love learning of the glance of mercy, a wonderful mindfulness tool. Love you Ruth!
Lovely evocative post! You brought to mind a terribly stressful fight from Denver to SFO years ago (pre-pandemic). We’d boarded a full and delayed flight. Seated near me was a horrifically ill passenger…one of the worst coughs I’ve ever heard. I was concerned both for her and for contagion to the flight. She didn’t speak English and seemed quite frightened. I went to the front of the plane to seek assistance from the crew and was met with anger and dismissal. The crew member informed me I was welcome to disembark if I felt uncomfortable and that I was holding up the flight. I felt my whole body flood. Just then, I glanced up and saw Jack Kornfield seated on the aisle a few seats away beaming kindness in our direction. My body shifted instantaneously. It allowed me to ground myself and address the situation without going into full hijack mode. I’ve never forgotten that feeling.
ps. The crew found someone who spoke her language on the flight, provided her with a mask, and checked in on her regularly via the interpreter. Again, this was pre-pandemic!
Hi Ruth,
What an amazing experience!
I’d love to hear how you understand or hold the recent story about HH interaction with a child. I’ve heard people explaining it with a Tibetan cultural context where it isn’t a boundary violation. To my US eyes, it was very problematic. But I’d like to understand and not leap to judgment. What do you think?
Thanks,
Lauren